If life gives you lemons

I know we don’t have much of a subject to talk about, but your first paragraph seems a little repetitive…

Yay, there I am!

I wasn’t suffering, I was having fun

All right Steven,

I was really happy to see someone have fun with this paper (since in this class we are granted a little more freedom). I really enjoyed reading your paper thus far, and I think feedback from comments would help tremendously. So here it is:

What a unique style! I liked how you used each of the different elements of voice in your paragraphs for us to figure out. Entertaining, too. I guess I don’t have much criticism…

- Nicole

ah ha!!! i love it steven, you konw how you made your point, you didnt do it by laying it out. like voice point one voice point two, you did it by using your voice and the end result was that i loved it, and yes a shining silver pen of justice would be frekin’ awesome!!!

I like your imitation. It’s very amusing to read, and definitely shows how voice is style. good job.

Lol on the first paragraph of the reflection.

Very interesting. It was entertaining to read, and I did hear your voice throughout it. It was good. I’m not sure what to offer except that I’m not sure if it was your point to not talk about “what you learned” in the reflection. I guess that’s kind of hard, since saying voice is style really means to just paraphrase the work, which we’ve been doing our whole lives. So I don’t know what criticism to offer. It was good, and I definitely got voice out of it!

um…..what? lol everything up to the reflection (obviously since you don’t even intend that to be the paper) was great. You are a very creative person and I have a hard time believing you couldn’t find any real response…even if it was BS, at least make it relevant Anyway, I think it will be a great paper once you actually try to make it work lol

Kayla

I think that this was ridiculously funny. I loved that you used your own voice, especially at the end. I understand what you mean by not really knowing what to say at the end or what was learned cuz I kinda feel the same. But overall I really enjoyed reading this.

Wow, I would have to say that was the most interesting and entertaining paper I’ve read so far. I could tell you had fun writing it and I definitely had fun reading it. Your voice really came across. However I didn’t realize that there were supposed to be three different voices in the introductory paragraph until you pointed it out. Besides that, I’m not quite sure how I can critique your paper much more without having a relevant reflection. But I must say, the reflection you do have was very humorous and entertaining. I enjoyed it very much. Good job!

- Audra D.

Steven,
I really enjoyed reading the voice in your essay. I could tell feom the word choice and style of your paper that you were talking to me, as the audience. I would say, for reflection purposes, that your voice is made up of syntax and style. It is unique and enjoyable to read.
Thanks,
Caitlin

Can I say that I really love the way you write… I know some people aren’t so fond of sentences that are unusually short, but the way you put sentences together gives you a nice outlet to use them Some of your grammar needs attention; for example paragraph two includes a quote ending with “themselves” this should be a myself. I know you needed to include the quote but you should make it so it doesn’t disturb the meaning of the sentence. I really liked your conclusion too, it was real. You admitted that you felt you hadn’t learned much and you proceeded to tell us why while still meeting the length requirements. Good job.

Sincerely,
Jacqueline Van Hazel

This paper was unbelievable. You did an amazing job of holding your voice throughout the entire paper, even through the imitation. I love how you brought in all the different people from the class and what they are good at, shows that you actually take time to read through our work. Not sure what to change because I thought you followed the assignment and added a fun twist to it. Good work!!

In the first section I felt like you repeated yourself too much. But I LOVED your inclusion of people from class. I liked your demands part because it was very humorous and it seemed like your true self came out in the paper. Overall, I really liked your paper and cannot wait to read another one.

I really like the introduction. The beginning questions really led me in. It definately was a interesting hook.

Steve!
You are hilarious. The reflection was most interesting, and I literally had an LOL moment. Your voice is quite unique and humorous. Perhaps to add on to your reflection you could add some information about what you think your style and voice is. Nicely done!

Noel

OK its style … when you finished I wanted a little more why.

You’ve got great voice through out the paper and its really entertaining. I will do my best to entertain you from here on out… In the first section I would like to see a little more of your why on the style question

I’m not really feeling the voice in this paragraph. I think you might have pushed it too much, it doesn’t quite flow with the style used in the first paragraph, but if that’s what you’re aiming for-you got it!

Hi Steven!

That was..uh, interesting. Haha you definitely had fun with this assignment which is great, and it showed style and “voice”- however you want to define it. Maybe it was just the way I was reading it, but it was hard for me to understand why you believe voice is style, syntax, and grammar. You told a great story and I love how you incorporated your imagination! As for the entertainment…what did you have in mind? (hah joke)

Good job! Thanks for sharing!
Maria

Steven,

Really tremendous job on this paper! your essay was entertaining, personal, and creative all in one. I felt a very strong connection to your piece due to your honesty throughout about your own writing struggles and aspirations. Some readers claim that there is something wrong with writing in which you openly confess your weaknesses, but I strongly disagree. I think the authors capability to admit struggle gives a work its authentic and credible quality that is so convincing. The last papragraph was especially good. it was really amazing how you incorporated all of the people from the class into your writing at the end. Very creative and effective.

My only minor suggestian is that you maybe look at your organization, in the last paragraph specifically. You had so many great things to say that all those ideas came bursting out which was great, but at times I felt a little lost. However, organization is something that is really hard for me and, trust me, I know, can be easily fixed.

Great job and I hope this feedback helped!

Rachel Hillmer

I got a little confused about what you thought voice was til the end. The language is I guess a little too flowery and distracts from your content and ideas. Don’t dance around and just say what you want, why, and what have you.

I agree: I do deserve an A.

I really liked your style in this paper. It was funny and witty, and your style really proves your point that voice is style.

The only thing that I would work on is your organization. Your transitions are kind of abrupt in places.

Good job!

Snugglefluffy? alright?

After your first paragraph, I felt your paper really take off. While the rest of your paper relies on your opening paragraph, I can only feel it lowers the quality of your paper. However, this is a rough draft, and you still have plenty of time to just clean up that one paragraph. Perhaps another direction you could take your first paragraph is apply it to your imitation exercise. You might want to try this because this passage has a “foundation,” while your opening doesn’t which allows for your natural voice to get confused with your other three voices.

But it was still a good paper!

Snugglefluffy~
Hmm…This was a very very interesting paper. I loved the voice and it really held my attention and made me actually thinnk about voice. However, I didn’t get the three voices in the first paragraph, i thought it was all a bit rambly and that type of voice always translates the same to me. Maybe try to change your vocabulary drastically, I think you need more drastic transitions to really show three distinct voices. Also, for your analysis, I didn’t really catch your central argument, and i didn’t exactly understand the whole long paragraph about you being god, funny, but confusing. Maybe just try to tidy it up a bit without losing your amazing voice.
Great Job.
Katie M. ( I won the contest and therefore name YOU Snugglefluffy)

Until I finished the paragraph I had no idea which way you were going. But, I was drawn into your paper by your style in the intro!

Spinoza IS a funny name! I liked this paragraph.

Steven,
I really did like your paper, I’m kind of glad that Dr. A is making us all read each others work so that I could read this!
Refer to my comment in the first paragraph about being a little bit lost at first, but other then that it was amazing.
I loved your imitation, and your conclusion was hilarious. Plus I always like reading my name in papers.
Awesome,
Kara

Steven,
I do not believe for a second that you are unsure of whether you achieved the voice! It was great! I am glad to see you had so much creativity and fun with this paper. Your paper was very entertaining and it flowed very well together. Your section breaks are used very well. I loved reading you paper, and hearing the voice you put into it. My only advice does not have to do with the voice so much as much as it has to do with content of one section. In the fourth paragraph I think you could add more explantion. I like what you said there and how you said it, it is important, but I think there is more meat you could put into it. Thanks for sharing your wonderful paper with us!
-Meagan

Steven;
Your voice was perfect in this essay. I love the personal touch you brought into the paper while also keeping it on track. I do feel that maybe you need to address voice a little more and talk about the purpose somewhat more in the essay. It was a fun read, but for someone on the outside, they may get a little lost in this. I would like to see you write this a little more clear for the masses.

Richard

Great job, Steven. Very gutsy to write your classmates and your professor into your paper as a demonstration of “voice.”

In the first portion of your paper, you cleary define “voice” as style, syntax, and grammar. You go a step further and explain that style is word choice, syntax is word order, and grammar is punctuation. I appreciated such a clear definition.

In the imitation portion of your paper, you’ve definitely captured Frankfurt’s style, syntax, and grammar in the Spinoza passage.

My one suggestion to you is that in the third section you might dig a little deeper into a reflection on voice.

Overall, great job. It was a good read.

~Brianna

Steven-
WOW you are so darn creative…I love how you all of us in your paper…your papers was really good and you are a good wrtiter.
Thanks,
Katie B.